On the Life and Moral Significance of Grief over Bereavement

Grief (哀) is the emotional hallmark of mourning rites, expressing the profound sorrow felt for the closest kin of the deceased. Hence the Book of Rites · Tan Gong II (《禮記·檀弓下》) states: "The funeral rite is the ceremony performed when the grief and sorrow in one's heart has reached its utmost extreme (喪禮，哀戚之至)." Confucius (孔子, c. 551 – c.479 BCE) required that one "When confronted with bereavement, the heart's longing for the departed naturally gives rise to grief (喪思哀)." (Analect · Zi Zhang [《論語·子張》]). Ancient mourning ritual institutions also emphasized the need to "Express Deepest Grief (盡哀)" (Book of Rites · Rushing Home for Mouring [《禮記·奔喪》], Books of Rites · Questions on Mouring Rites [《禮記·問喪》]) and to maintain "Unadorned Grief (素哀)" (Book of Rites · Tan Gong II) The former highlights the wholeness of emotion, while the latter manifests its unadorned sincerity. The Shuowen Jiezi (《說文解字》) defines “哀” (Grief) as “閔”, meaning sorrow. Julia Samuel (1959–) offers a psychological interpretation: "Mourning is the process we have to go through to adjust to the world in which the person has died." and further states: "Grief is an intensely personal, contradictory, chaotic and unpredictable internal process."¹ The psychological pain caused by bereavement requires a prolonged period of recovery. For this reason, the ancients instituted a three-year mourning period (三年服喪). Zai Yu (宰予, also known by his courtesy name Zai Wo “宰我”, 522-458 BCE) once proposed to Confucius a reform reducing mourning to one year. Confucius simply asked whether he felt at ease eating well, listening to music, and living in his usual comfort. Zai Wo said he did. After Zai Yu left, Confucius declared him "lacking in benevolence (不仁)." Confucius's remark pointed to the brevity of Zai Yu’s period of emotional recovery and his lack of deep feeling toward his parents, revealing Zai Yu's character as one deficient in affection and moral sentiment. Viewing the period of grief recovery through the lens of contemporary psychotherapy, Arthur Kleinman (1941–) has questioned the judgment put forward in the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, , 4^th ed.” (hereafter DSM-IV) that the symptoms of bereavement-related grief should show signs of diminishment within two months. He noted that this standard is a subject of academic controversy. Some critics argue that, driven by the pharmaceutical industry, diagnostic thresholds have been deliberately lowered, thereby generating more patients and providing the psychiatric healthcare industry with a greater pool of potential revenue. Supporters, on the other hand, contend that if the emotional symptoms of the bereaved are severe enough to affect daily life, treatment will help alleviate the pain of their grief.² Professor Arthur Kleinman's insights are highly illuminating. Since the grief of bereavement brings suffering—and in severe cases may even require treatment—what, then, is the meaning of grief? Michael Cholbi (1972–) has proposed a paradox concerning grief:

• Grief feels bad, and so should be avoided or lamented.
• Grief is valuable such that we (and others) ought not avoid it altogether and should be grateful that we grieve.³

In contemporary society, the fast pace of life and immense work pressures make it impractical not only to observe Zai Yu's one-year mourning period, but even a two-month period would require paid leave of absence. DSM-IV's compression of bereavement grief symptoms to begin subsiding after two months is likely a pragmatic concession to reality. From a philosophical perspective, whether one chooses to alleviate or suppress the physical suffering caused by grief through medication, or willingly embraces the emotional pain of bereavement, what we must explore is the existential meaning of bereavement grief. The paradox proposed by Professor Michael Cholbi reveals that the former clearly reflects the human tendency to avoid pain — it is passive and indolent, or in Zhuangzi (莊子, c. 369 – c. 286 BCE)'s words, "Going against nature, betraying the true feelings of one's heart, and forgetting the innate gifts and disposition one was born with (遁天倍情，忘其所受)." (Zhuangzi· The Fundamental Principles of Nurturing Life and Spirit [《莊子·養生主》]).⁴ The latter, by contrast, illuminates the meaning of life through the emotion of grief. In this regard, Professor Michael Cholbi argues that the emotion of grief serves to enhance self-knowledge and fulfills a moral duty to grieve⁵. Western psychological research on grief emotions reflects its cultural characteristics — that is, analysis is predominantly conducted from individual and rational perspectives. In contrast, pre-Qin Confucian (先秦儒家思想) thought follows the path of moral philosophy in its development.

"Filial piety toward one's parents and respect for one's elders are the foundation of benevolence (孝弟也者，其為仁之本)." (Analect · Xue Er [《論語·學而》]) points out that "filial piety" (孝) is the foundation of "benevolence" (仁). Confucius stated: " When parents are alive, serve them according to the rites; when parents pass away, bury them according to the rites, and thereafter offer sacrifices to them according to the rites (生事之以禮；死葬之以禮，祭之以禮)." (Analect · Wei Zheng [《論語·為政》]) The so-called "filial piety" refers to attending to one's parents with an attitude of sincerity and reverence, running through three stages: life, death, and sacrifice. Grief is the emotion of bereavement, which demands being "utmost" (致, to the fullest extent) and "complete" (盡, exhaustive), emphasizing the wholeness of inner sorrow, rejecting the slightest impurity or any reservation. From the purity and singularity of emotion radiates a series of moral sentiments — reverence (敬), sincerity (誠), loyalty (忠), faithfulness (信), and earnestness (愨) — and ritual institutions (禮制) are the outward expression and embellishment of these moral sentiments. From the above discussion, two points can be summarized: First, the intrinsic nature of morality (including ritual propriety) — "The essence of ritual offerings does not lie in the abundance of the sacrificial gifts; the foundation of worship is the sincere reverence that arises from one's innermost heart (夫祭者，非物自外至者也，自中出生於心)." (Books of Rites · The Foundation of Sacrifice [《禮記·祭統》]) — meaning that ritual morality is not an externally imposed constraint, but an emotional and dispositional need flowing from the mind. Second, the moral philosophy in which “敬” (reverence) serves as the “體” (the nature of the objects) and “情” (emotion) as the “用” (the external appearance or function of an object) — "Bring forth the utmost reverence, express sincere feelings of longing and remembrance, and spare no effort in attending to every aspect of the sacrificial rites (致其敬，發其情，竭力從事)." (Books of Rites · The Emotions of Sacrifice [《禮記·祭義》]) — reveals that moral emotion is the ontological basis of sacrificial rites, and the activation of emotion is the motivating force behind moral conduct. In summary, moral self-awareness originates from the exhaustion of emotion and the dedication of the whole heart; substance and function are one.

In summary, this article takes the grief of bereavement as its central thread, integrating ancient and modern perspectives while bridging Chinese and Western thought, to progressively illuminate the emotional dimensions, institutional foundations, and philosophical significance of mourning. The article first grounds itself in pre-Qin Confucian ritual thought, affirming that funeral rites are rooted in grief and sorrow, and emphasizing the to "Express Deepest Grief" and "Unadorned Grief". Through an examination of the meaning of the three-year mourning period and Confucius's disciples' debates over abbreviated mourning, it demonstrates that grief originates from the heart of filial piety, fraternal love, and benevolence, and that ritual protocols and ceremonial observances are outward expressions of inner moral sentiment—embodying the philosophical core of morality arising from the heart and the unity of feeling and reverence. The article then draws on contemporary Western psychology and psychiatric perspectives to trace the diagnostic controversies and therapeutic dilemmas surrounding grief in modern society, and employs the paradox of grief to argue that, although sorrow is painful, it possesses an irreplaceable value in human life that cannot be discarded. By contrasting the rationalized and individualized psychological perspective of the West with the philosophical dimension of Confucian ethical moral nature, the article ultimately reveals that the grief of bereavement is not merely a negative emotion, but rather a vital process through which human beings come to recognize the bonds of kinship, examine themselves, fulfill their moral responsibilities, and apprehend the true meaning of life.

Reference

1. Julia Samuel, Greif Works: Stories of Life, Death and Surviving (Doubleday Canada, 2018), xvii.

2. Arthur Kleinman：Culture, bereavement, and psychiatry, The art of medicine, 2012; Vol 379:608-609.

3. Michael Cholbi: Grief: A Philosophical Guide (Princeton University Press, 2022), 103.

4. Zhuangzi's words mean to violate the laws of nature, to abandon one's true and authentic disposition, and to forget the allotted nature and destiny that one has received from Heaven and Earth.

5. Michael Cholbi: Grief: A Philosophical Guide (Princeton University Press, 2022), 103-122; 149-165.